Alright, so I am trying out a new blog hop called Weekend Writing Warriors (check it out here) It’s a weekly post where you share 8 sentences from your WIP. So, since this is my first time, I am going to start with the first 8 sentences of my manuscript. Hope you enjoy!
Fire burned in my chest with each breath. I could feel the sludge spores, still rooted in my lungs from when they had nearly killed me three years ago. Green fingers of rot, choking me from the inside. A constant reminder of how closely we danced with death.
I coughed and spit a mouthful of phlegm, brackish green with sludge, onto the steel floor of the submarine that was our home.
Asa looked up from the metal slab he worked over. It had once been a strategy table for important men. Now it served as both kitchen and triage.
Wow, that was shorter than I thought. Probably makes zero sense like that, but now you have to wait until next week to read on 😉
Sorry for the short post and radio silence, but I have a good reason, I promise. It’s almost finals week! I have been frantically finishing projects, papers, and studying for finals. So hopefully this little tidbit will hold y’all over until I am finished with finals. And a real quick shout out to all the amazing moms out there 🙂 Happy Mother’s Day and for those of y’all with finals coming up like me…
Blog Post and Novel Excerpt © Victoria Davenport & the Coffee.Write.Repeat. blog
Coffee. Write. Repeat. 
You have my attention with that brief excerpt. Certainly looks like something I’d like to sink my teeth into. Great start. ;]
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Thank you! Hopefully Ill be posting some more soon 😉
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Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors! Nice start — great details, catchy opening, nice tension. Can’t wait to read more!
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Thank you so much!
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Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors, Victoria. This is a nicely done excerpt with some vivid imagery. It’s hard to fit so much into 8 sentences, but you’ll get used to it. Hope to see more snippets from you.
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It definitely is, especially trying to stop in a place that makes sense. But thank you 🙂
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Welcome! You certainly caught my interest. So many intriguing elements in such a short snippet. Well done.
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Thank you! I’m glad 🙂
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Welcome, Victoria! We’re glad to have ya!
Nice opening. Gripping–and I like how you deal out details, a new sentence brings a new bit of information. It left me wanting to read more. I want to know about what made them sick, and where they are, who they are, where they’re going, The description was yucky, but that’s good. It garners a visceral response. Nicely done!
I hope finals go well! 🙂
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Thank you, glad to be here 😉 I am glad you enjoyed it, and it’s nice to hear you say that. I wrote this new beginning a few days ago, since the beginning I had just wasn’t working. I started with too much world-building, and needed a better hook. Thank you! I hope so too 🙂
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Hi Victoria, welcome to wewriwa! Nice snippet, very visual.
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Thank you!
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I think it works! You’ve grounded us in some senses and make us wonder what’s happening, so I’d say that’s a good hook 🙂 Welcome to #8Sunday!
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Thanks, I’m glad it’s a good hook! I’ve been trying to figure that part out for a while. Thank you so much 🙂
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The one thing that bothers me is the spitting on the floor of the submarine.
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It is a very raw, gritty world, and a reality of her condition so I thought it fit.. it is pretty gross though 🙂
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Welcome to the Warriors! I was intrigued by the snippet and definitely want to know more (but i’m with Sueann re the spitting thing LOL). Great 8!
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Thanks! Yes it is gross haha but it really fits the world and character 🙂 Thank you!
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Lots of really nicely done–if icky–details here, they really set the scene. Kitchen/triage does not sound like a good combination to me. There’s some things you can’t bleach away…
Don’t forget, so long as it makes sense, you can fuse sentences together–to help make your count.
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Thank you! Haha that is very true, but they have to make do and hope it doesn’t come back to bite 😉 That is a good idea! Thank you 🙂
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Hey! I love the sense of having disease spores in my lungs. Well, I wouldn’t like it if it was really happening to me, but it’s a powerful sensation and you conveyed it really well! Great to meet you.
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