This is a continuation of my first chapter, so if you haven’t read the previous posts (or need a reminder) check out the most recent here, and the rest under the category Weekend Writing Warriors. To meet some new authors, read some great writing, or join in the 8-sentence fun, stop by at Weekend Writing Warriors!
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, I tried–we can try again later, if you want, but I have to go.”
The light in his eyes dulled, but he smiled anyways. “That is alright, go, and bring back some sweets if they have any?” He kissed me on the forehead, and I nodded, though I fought the familiar surge of panic and disgust–a leftover instinct, warning me away from affection. Affection meant love, and that was weakness–that was dangerous, people exploited weakness.
I gripped my knife in my hand, too hard–the metal was comforting, powerful. Here was something I knew, something I was good at.
Something I could control.
——
THE END. Well, the end of the first chapter, anyways! Have I got you hooked yet? I hope so 🙂 Next, I will probably do some excerpts from the other POVs to give you a look into their minds and voices–or possibly some snippets from my brand new untitled WIP. Can’t wait, happy 8sunday! 🙂
Blog Post and Novel Excerpt © Victoria Davenport & the Coffee.Write.Repeat. blog
Coffee. Write. Repeat. 
Hey Victoria 🙂 You’ve got a good start here. You seem to know the characters well and that’s so important for creating a believable story. Strong visuals, too.
Could I make a suggestion? This line: “Affection meant love, and that was weakness–that was dangerous, people exploited weakness” strikes me as too obvious. You’re telling us something that would have more impact if what you’re saying comes out slooooowly, over several chapters. If you drop that and end the paragraph right there, I think that provides us with more mystery and a big reason to keep reading 🙂
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Thank you so much! 🙂 hm, I didn’t think of it like that. Ill definitely consider it. Thanks for the input!
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Yeah, I’m hooked. I love the dilemma of not being able to access her magic. I was surprised by her reaction to the kiss, but it adds to the overall tension. Nice work!
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Good! Thank you 🙂
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Strong inner conflict. I checked back on a previous snippet to get a small sense of what was going on, and I see she is retreating to her comfort zone after failing to achieve a goal. Good place to break the chapter – leaves the reader wondering “now what?”
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Thank you! 🙂
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Really enjoyed reading her emotional struggle. Just a suggestion to not overuse commas and dashes for independent clause which can slow down pacing. Can’t wait to read more!
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Thank you! Those are there to be able to fit the snippet into 8 sentences, but thanks 🙂
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The word is anyway. I enjoyed the snippet and the comments are exceptional to help you make your writing stronger. You touched me with your heroine’s inner thoughts.
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Guess I didn’t catch that, thank you!
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I can’t help but wonder how much her fear of love is inhibiting her magic.
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Hmm I didn’t think about that…might be an interesting twist. Thank you 🙂
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I like the way she’s gripping the knife so tightly, very symbolic. Excellent excerpt!
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Thank you! 🙂
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I like her — plenty of room to grow and develop as a character. Great place to end a chapter as well. Wonderful excerpt!
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After reading all your posts in this series (after reading the first one, you had me scrolling to find the rest), it’s very obvious to me that this book will be a definite success once you’re done! You’re a really talented writer, and you have one of the best writing styles I’ve seen on WordPress! Good luck!
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Wow, that’s a huge compliment 🙂 Thank you so much!
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Wow, I just read through all of these, and I love them! ❤
The writing style is great, it's concise, yet it's also very descriptive at the same time!
I want to know more about this world that they live in (magic is always good), and what's happening to Falcon… I can't wait to read from more POVs (I wonder who they're going to be…) 😀
– Sabrina
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