Weekend Writing Warriors #7

Last week I posted the last snippet from the first chapter of my YA fantasy manuscript, Ember. (You can find those here). This week, I wanted to show y’all a little tidbit from one of my two other POVs, Crow. He is an assassin and vigilante for the most powerful drug lord in the Dregs, who also happens to be his 12-year-old sister. He’s probably been my favorite character to write so far. I hope you like ๐Ÿ™‚

To meet some new authors, read some great writing, or join in the 8-sentence fun, stop by atย Weekend Writing Warriors!


In this scene, Crow has just returned late from killing a target: he hesitated, because at the last moment, he saw a doll, and realized the man was a father. Things are black and white for Crow. His targets have always been bad, corrupted men like their father, but things are changing, and he is starting to question his sister’s judgment. She is seated on her throne (made of bones, based on rumors she is a cannibal) and confronts him in front of their “court”:


The same venom that coursed through my veins reared itself in the depths of her eyes–she drew herself taller, all at once looming over the room though her slight frame didn’t even fill out the macabreย throne. “I did not think I would have to question my own blood, brother–so what if there was a child? Better off dead, probably tainted with the same corruption as its father–or do you question my judgment on that as well?”

My lips did not move, but she read the words in my eyes:ย Our father had been tainted, corrupt, and now his venom would flow in our veins as long as our hearts beat–should we die also, because of our father? The venom raged in her eyes, molten, murderous black– I’d learned to still mine, to quiet the cruel, bloodthirsty heart in my chest, but hers was wild, fueling rages that often ended with spilled blood–perhaps it would be better, without our corruption.

There was a moment where I wondered if she’d strike me, one hand white-knuckled around a bone and the other clenched in the air. There was a flicker of something in her eyes, like realization, then horror–then, all at once, the venom evaporated, and it was if someone had sucked all the breath out of her. She sunk in on herself, her hand falling to her side, looking abruptly like the child she was, dwarfed by the throne, and aย wry smile curled her lips, “You are right, brother. As always.”


Again, I used some creative punctuation here to fit it within the 8 sentences, so it doesn’t read quite how I’d like, but hopefully the point and mood still get across. It was especially hard to choose a snippet for Crow that would work, since he’s the most verbose of all the POVs, but I hope this one works. Next week, I’ll do a snippet from my new WIP, Nightfire, since I know some of y’all are anxious for a peek ๐Ÿ™‚ Looking forward to all your posts, and happy 8sunday!


Blog Post and Novel Excerpt ยฉ Victoria Davenportย & theย Coffee.Write.Repeat. blog

35 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors #7

  1. She is a scary little girl, glad she’s able to overcome some of that rage. You have me curious…what makes them filled with venom? What kind of creatures are they?


  2. That last sentence is gold. It shows how fragile she really is, and makes you wonder how much of her actions are driven by a necessity, intimidating others to ensure her own survival. It also makes me wonder if she won’t have her brother killed, somewhere down the line…


  3. Being bossed around by his little sister! But then again, I’ve met some scary twelve-year-old girls. Not quite this scary, but close.

    I like the comparison between siblings–it’s interesting how the same environment can make such different people.


  4. Great snippet! I loved the tension and inner-conflict within the character. When you say “The venom raged in her eyes, molten, murderous black” I could picture this vividly. It gave me chills.
    Keep smiling,


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