I had such great feedback and responses last week, thanks so much for everyone who stopped by! (You can read all previous posts under the category Weekend Writing Warriors) This week, I am sharing the very first snippet from my new WIP, Nightfire. I am very excited, I hope y’all enjoy 🙂
To meet some new authors, read some great writing, or join in the 8-sentence fun, stop by at Weekend Writing Warriors!
In this scene, Kera and her mother are searching for a new den to shelter for the winter, after Kera and Hana’s encounter with a Shadow left their mother spooked. They argued the night before over the risks of moving so late in the season, as well as the familiar topic of the enigmatic radio her mother carries, listens to obsessively, and refuses to explain. Kera brings it up in the heat of argument, and tempers flare:
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I close the distance between us, turning her around to face me–her body has gone to stone, but her eyes are breaking. “I don’t know what you’re listening for, but do you ever think about letting it go? Whatever it is, isn’t there–But I am; I’m here, Hana’s here. We are real–Whatever you think is on the other side of that radio isn’t.”
A strangled sound escapes from her throat, and her hand flies to her mouth, as if to hold the sadness in. Tears well in her eyes, and for a moment I see a glimpse into a dark and shattered heart–Mother is supposed to be strong, not broken; the thought terrifies me.
Then she gathers herself up and retreats back into her armor of granite, a smile replacing her tears; she reaches a hand up to my cheek, “You are so incredibly smart, Kera; your instincts, and your heart, are strong–but there are some things you could never understand. We have a lot of ground to cover, and not enough time.”
With that, she drops her hand to her side, and continues on ahead into the woods in search of home—and possibly, something that doesn’t exist.
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There it is! I felt this snippet was necessary to set up the next scene, which is the inciting incident of the story. I really look forward to reading all of your great posts this week! Thanks for stopping by, and happy 8sunday 🙂
Blog Post and Novel Excerpt © Victoria Davenport and the Coffee.Write.Repeat. blog
Coffee. Write. Repeat. 
It’s hard to pick a favorite line because the whole thing is very well written. I’m impressed! If I was forced to choose I would pick this line,”Tears well in her eyes, and for a moment I see a glimpse into a dark and shattered heart – Mother is supposed to be strong not broken; the thought terrifies me.” I love eye descriptions when they are done well because eyes are so expressive and a window to the soul. Your heart bleeds for the mother, and her daughter. . .
I’m definitely curious about the radio. I’m wondering if this is a post-apocalypse setting, and she keeps the radio because she’s holding out for other survivors. If there was a malevolent force at work maybe the survivors are keeping it a secret. Not sure why she won’t explain it. Or maybe she’s just insane. Hmmm, not sure XD Looking forward to hearing more 🙂
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Wow, thank you so much! And yes, though it is fantasy with magic, it is also post-apocalyptic with a lot of those elements. The radio becomes a huge part of the story later on. Thank you 🙂
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Nice to see Kera’s voice for the first time! 😀
I like Kera’s firmness in the first sentence she speaks to her mother. It reminds me of a couple characters I have. 🙂
I love her voice, by the way.
– Sabrina
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Thanks! Haha, yes. Kera is very straightforward, no ifs ands or buts. 🙂 Thank you!
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Liking the idea of the radio that she’s listening to and not explaining. There’s a lot you could do with that radio too: crackly static when something creepy is going down, broken messages that allude to what’s going on in the greater story world. Digging it a lot
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Yes! The radio is one of my favorite little details, but it will come to play a much bigger part later on. Thanks 🙂
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Very cool, your writing is strong and I like the emotion of the scene, an enticing snippet. I’m looking forward to seeing more!
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Thank you so much!
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This is terrific stuff, Victoria. I love the idea of the radio, and you’re painting some very strong characters here. Keep it up!
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Thank you so much 🙂
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Very emotional snippet. Got me wondering a few things. Looking forward to future snippets.
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Great, thank you 🙂
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I love the last part: “…and continues on ahead into the woods in search of home—and possibly, something that doesn’t exist.” It’s mysterious, like the radio that there’s apparently no reason for. Excellent work, looking forward to what’s to come 🙂
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Thank you! Hmm, guess you’ll just have to see 😉
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Wow, really great set up. You hooked me right away. I love the descriptions of her mother.
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Awesome, glad I could 🙂 Thank you!
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Fascinating snippet, paints quite a picture of the world they must be living in and I also liked the way the strength goes back and forth between the mother and daughter. Excellent excerpt!
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Yes, thank you so much! 🙂
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I am so hooked! Everything about this snippet works. Everything. Intriguing, draws the reader in. Your writing is fluid and visual. Wonderful…simply wonderful.
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Wow, thank you so much 🙂
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Am I assuming too much that the mother and daughters are human?
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No you are not 🙂 For this one, they are human, but different in the rest of humanity that they live outside of civilization. Other humans call them “ferals”. Thanks for stopping by!
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Your writing is very pure and unique, I immediately imagined the characters and the scenes in my head clearly. Wishing you all the best with the book:) I really hope I get the chance to write one someday!
keep going xxx
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Thank you so much! I hope you do too 🙂
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Something on the radio, huh? Spooky. I wonder if she’s searching for other people, or something supernatural, like spirits in the static.
Love the revelation that parents are people, too, and not always as strong as children hope.
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Hmm guess you’ll have to see 😉 And yes! They are, and realizing this becomes a big part of her journey. Thanks for stopping by!
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Beautifully written. I felt as if I were there, watching a very real scene unfold before me.
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Thank you 🙂
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I know nothing about this story so at first talk of dens for the winter made me think of a fantasy setting, but the radio gives me a strong post-apocalyptic sense – hanging on to some remnant of a past life. Very poignant.
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Actually, it is a bit of both 🙂 There is magic and monsters, but also machines and technology and remnants of a previous world. Thank you!
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It is all very well written – the line “Mother is supposed to be strong not broken; the thought terrifies me.” really pulled on my emotions. Great 8.
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