Last week, I shared the very first snippet from my new WIP, Nightfire, and the response has been great (you can read it here). The next couple weeks, I am going to share snippets from the inciting incident of the story, in succession. Hope you enjoy 🙂
To meet some new authors, read some great writing, or join in the 8-sentence fun, stop by at Weekend Writing Warriors!
While Kera and her mother are out searching for a new den to call home for the winter, they encounter a band of hunters (human soldiers who protect the safehouses) which is being attacked by Shadows. Though she has been raised to believe humans are incredibly dangerous, the Shadow is about to kill a girl, and against her instincts, Kera rushes to help. She kills the Shadow, frees the girl, and feels accomplished–then she is grabbed by a Shadow herself:
__________
I feel its breath on the back of my neck, and I cringe as the first wisps of nightfire grope at something inside me. I hear Mother somewhere, miles away, screaming–screaming my name.
“Kera!”
The Shadow finds what it’s looking for, and my body erupts into fire.
I’m not aware of anything but an overwhelming, consuming agony–tearing through my flesh, eating at my soul.
I have the horrible sensation of being split in two.
I am going to die, in the worst way imaginable–I feel myself stretched to a breaking point, waiting for the moment when I tear.
Something breaks inside, and my mind is flooded. Fractured images and emotions crash over me. My eyes fly wide open, staring at something only I can see. They whir past, too swift to comprehend, broken fragments of memories and scenes and feelings I can’t begin to decipher.
___________
There you have it! There are least two more snippets in this scene, so I hope you stop by over the next couple weeks to find out what happens next 🙂 Thanks for reading, and happy 8sunday!
Blog Post and Novel Excerpt © Victoria Davenport and the Coffee.Write.Repeat. blog
Coffee. Write. Repeat. 
Love it! Can’t wait to read more.
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Thank you! 🙂
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I love your descriptions – from the Ember excerpts to these, I can tell, your style of writing and I are gonna get along famously.
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Haha, thank you 🙂 Glad you think so.
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Your writing always impresses me 😀 I was reading another story on Fictionpress about elusive shadows and she didn’t manage to capture their malevolence like you have. This is great (although it’s bad for your protagonist) because you can really feel her terror. It’s hard to pick out a favorite line. I actually think the first one, “I feel it’s breath on the back of my neck, and I cringe as the first wisps of nightfire grope at something inside me.” It’s really creepy and sets the mood for this scene.
I’m wondering how Kera is going to escape. What happens when you are attacked by a shadow? Sounds like they kind of use humans as hosts? In my story Jenova is an alien and she uses humans as hosts, well only the weak ones. It imparts her superpowers on those injected with her cells, but if you are weak, she takes over your body.
I think the word “consuming” might sound better in place of “eating,” but that’s my personal opinion. Also “eating at my soul,” sounds awkward. Maybe, “eating away at my soul,” or just, “eating my soul.”
At the end it might be nice to give a description of some of the fractured memories that she is experiencing. Also, you start this paragraph, “Something breaks inside. . .” with water imagery. If you want or don’t want to, you could continue the water metaphor through the paragraph. Like the dam breaking, and her mind if flooded with these images, and she’s drowning in them. Something like that. I wrote something recently about a guy losing his memories to an alien inside his body. I used the water imagery for like 3-4 paragraphs. Obviously, you don’t want to overdo it, but extending the metaphor makes it more powerful. I guess it’s a balance.
I’m hoping you continue this next week! I want to find out what happens to Kera.
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Thank you so much! Wow, I like the concept of Jenova. Very interesting. I didn’t consider that, thank you for the feedback! Hope you stop by next week to find out 🙂
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How very tense – you’ve done a vivid job with description. I can feel the fear and pain. I certainly hope she is saved without any loss (I fear her mother will come to her aid and be hurt),
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Thank you! Yes, and you might be on to something…stop by next week to find out 🙂
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I really enjoy your writing, Victoria! it pulls me into the scene. I don’t even struggle–I just go. lol. It’s that good. Are you a natural, or do you have to work hard at it?
Another wonderful 8!
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Wow, thank you so much! Well, I’ve been writing my entire life so at this point it is pretty much natural. This is still the first draft, so it’s still raw. Thank you 🙂
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Yikes! Fabulous details, Victoria, you absolutely immerse us in that scene – bravo!
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Thank you! 🙂
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Brutal. Extremely dark stuff. Without really knowing the character I can already feel bad for them. Hoping that they can recover and come back stronger (whatever doesn’t kill you…)
Especially thought the line about mother was great.
Looking forward to reading the next bit! 🙂
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Thank you so much 🙂 Yes, definitely, you’ll have to stop by next week 😉 Thanks!
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Oh-ho! So they’re not human then? Good to know. Love the internal sensations and dread at what is coming.
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Actually, they are, but they are referred to as “ferals” since they have had no human contact. They are physically humans, but much more animalistic. Thank you 🙂 Hope you stop by next week!
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Wow, that was really intense! Great writing. I’m wondering what this encounter is going to do to her.
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Thank you so much! And you’re on to something there as well… 😉
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Wow, powerful moment and I could feel the pain she was in, thanks to your description. Can’t wait to see what happens next! Great 8!
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Thank you so much! 🙂
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Beautiful writing, terrifying scene. Hope she can somehow survive.
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Thank you! 🙂
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Very evocative and well written. Nicely done. 🙂
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Thank you 🙂
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I felt myself stretching along with her, gasping for breath before she broke…nicely done!
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I’m glad it was that vivid for you…thank you!
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Definitely very intense… I’m wondering what’s going to happen next. Surely a Shadow doesn’t get Kera?
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Thank you! And hmm, you’ll just have to see 🙂
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A very cool and enticing snippet! I hadn’t thought about actually putting snippets of my novels in progress on my blog before reading your blog, so thank you for the idea 🙂
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Thank you! You should check out Weekend Writing Warriors if you’re interested, it’s a great group of writers 🙂
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