Weekend Writing Warriors #10

Thank you for sharing another 8sunday with me! This is a continuation from last week’s post (check it out here, or the rest of my posts here). To meet some new authors, read some great writing, or join in the 8-sentence fun, stop by at Weekend Writing Warriors!

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I am not me–I am someone else, no one. A hundred different lifetimes, worlds—all at once, until it feels this pathetic human body is going to explode.

Abruptly, it stops.

The Shadow lowers me to the ground–I clench fistfuls of grass in my hands, to reassure myself that this is real; Images flicker across my vision, my body quivering with the power of them, but they are fading.

I can still feel myself, tainted; shadows pound through my heart, course through my veins–The visions have taken root in some unnamed part of me, the shards bound together in a knot.

I can feel it, inside–something strange, unnamable, powerful.

Like a second heartbeat, beating beneath my own–A scattered, fragmented pulse I can’t quite make sense of, Thud-thud, thud.

My eyes open.

________

Hope you enjoyed! A few more snippets in this series, then I’ll have to decide what to share next. Thank you for stopping by, looking forward to all the posts this week. Happy 8sunday 🙂

 

Blog Post and Novel Excerpt © Victoria Davenport and the Coffee.Write.Repeat. blog

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40 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors #10

  1. I love your writing style! I’m not a big fan of first person as it’s so hard to do well, but from what I’m seeing, you’re nailing it! 😀
    I look forward to seeing the next bit.

    Like

  2. I think you did a lovely job making this disjointed and rather raw. The characters’ soul is being ripped apart, so it fits really well.

    I liked the part about the shadows pounding through her heart and veins. I did something similar to that too only using darkness. It feels like the character is really saturated in it’s essence, and becoming one with the Shadows.

    I loved the part about the second heartbeat beating beneath her own, but different, like she is fused with the shadows but can still recognize it’s not hers.

    The only thing I might change, and there’s nothing wrong with what you have here, is the onomatopoeia. The technical sounds for the heart are Lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub. So if you did a variation of it like, “Lub-lub-dub, lub-dub, lub,” it would be even more powerful.

    Anyway, this was great. Looking forward to next week 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is utterly marvelous work. Your prose and command of the language is remarkable. I can’t wait to read this work in its entirety!

    Like

  4. Wow, excellent job. And IMHO I like the heart thudding better than if you used a lub dub. She has just gone through some weird freaky sh_t, her heart is going to be pounding in her chest and it brings a better visual.

    Like

  5. Hey Victoria,
    Sorry I’m late to the party. Our storms have not been kind to the electricity. People have been losing power left and right!
    I loved your snippet. Your line “Abruptly, it stops” gave me chills. I like the drama of it all.
    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

    Like

  6. Pingback: Weekend Writing Warriors #11 | Coffee. Write. Repeat.

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