Thank you for sharing another 8sunday with me! This is a continuation from last week’s post (check it out here, or the rest of my posts here). To meet some new authors, read some great writing, or join in the 8-sentence fun, stop by at Weekend Writing Warriors!
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I am not me–I am someone else, no one. A hundred different lifetimes, worlds—all at once, until it feels this pathetic human body is going to explode.
Abruptly, it stops.
The Shadow lowers me to the ground–I clench fistfuls of grass in my hands, to reassure myself that this is real; Images flicker across my vision, my body quivering with the power of them, but they are fading.
I can still feel myself, tainted; shadows pound through my heart, course through my veins–The visions have taken root in some unnamed part of me, the shards bound together in a knot.
I can feel it, inside–something strange, unnamable, powerful.
Like a second heartbeat, beating beneath my own–A scattered, fragmented pulse I can’t quite make sense of, Thud-thud, thud.
My eyes open.
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Hope you enjoyed! A few more snippets in this series, then I’ll have to decide what to share next. Thank you for stopping by, looking forward to all the posts this week. Happy 8sunday 🙂
Blog Post and Novel Excerpt © Victoria Davenport and the Coffee.Write.Repeat. blog
Coffee. Write. Repeat. 
Those first couple sentences are just plain delicious! I just sat here reading them over and over about ten times and enjoying the way they sounded. Well done!
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Wow, thank you! Glad you liked 🙂
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Reblogged this on Sophie's blog….
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Every. Singe. Time, Victoria. I swear to it.
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Haha what??
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I love your writing of course! It gets me “every single time.”
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Aw well thank you 🙂
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Amazing! The feelings are just so… perfect. And the words. And that feeling of, “I’m so glad Kera’s still Kera and alive!!!” Just… brilliant. This is fantastic.
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Thank you! Though I wouldn’t rest easy just yet 😉
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Wonderful! Confusing but tantalizing. So curious to know the rest!
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Thank you! It is a continuation of the previous two snippets, or you can stop by next week for the next one 🙂
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I love your writing style! I’m not a big fan of first person as it’s so hard to do well, but from what I’m seeing, you’re nailing it! 😀
I look forward to seeing the next bit.
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Thank you so much! Glad you liked it, hope you stop by next week as well 🙂
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I think you did a lovely job making this disjointed and rather raw. The characters’ soul is being ripped apart, so it fits really well.
I liked the part about the shadows pounding through her heart and veins. I did something similar to that too only using darkness. It feels like the character is really saturated in it’s essence, and becoming one with the Shadows.
I loved the part about the second heartbeat beating beneath her own, but different, like she is fused with the shadows but can still recognize it’s not hers.
The only thing I might change, and there’s nothing wrong with what you have here, is the onomatopoeia. The technical sounds for the heart are Lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub. So if you did a variation of it like, “Lub-lub-dub, lub-dub, lub,” it would be even more powerful.
Anyway, this was great. Looking forward to next week 😀
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Thank you 🙂 Yes, exactly. Thank you for the feedback!
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This is utterly marvelous work. Your prose and command of the language is remarkable. I can’t wait to read this work in its entirety!
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Wow, thank you so much!
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Wow, excellent job. And IMHO I like the heart thudding better than if you used a lub dub. She has just gone through some weird freaky sh_t, her heart is going to be pounding in her chest and it brings a better visual.
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Thank you 🙂 I also think thud feels right in the situation, thanks for the feedback!
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Very nice descriptions of what she’s experiencing before she wakes up.
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Thank you!
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Very powerful and creepy. Leaves me anxious as to how this encounter will alter her life. Great snippet!
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Thank you! Yes, you’re onto it there 🙂
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Lovely and poetic.
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Thank you!
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You certainly caught my attention with the first line. It’s quite intriguing. I like the choppy writing style for this particular scene. It shows a sense of urgency and disjointedness. I also like your personification of the shadows inside the body. And the second heartbeat–that nails it! Great snippet.
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2014/07/weekend-writing-warriors-blog-hop-071314.html
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Thank you very much 🙂 I will definitely check yours out!
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Exciting snippet, very exciting. Love the mood, the questions and the super short sentences!
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Thank you!
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Wow. Powerful stuff and your words let me feel what the character was feeling and I definitely HAVE to know more. Beautiful, intense excerpt!
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Thank you so much 🙂
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Very disorienting, but I think that’s how the narrator feels.
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Yes, definitely! Thanks for reading 🙂
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Great description and emotional pull of inner struggle. Good job!
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Thank you very much 🙂
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That is incredible. I feel like I’ve just been dragged through a couple terrifying moments, Nicely done! Good 8!
I’m a fan of the thud rather then the lub. 🙂
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Thank you so much 🙂 and thanks for the input!
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Hey Victoria,
Sorry I’m late to the party. Our storms have not been kind to the electricity. People have been losing power left and right!
I loved your snippet. Your line “Abruptly, it stops” gave me chills. I like the drama of it all.
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
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No worries! Sorry to hear that, hope it is better now! Thank you so much 🙂
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