Weekend Writing Warriors #11

Welcome to another 8sunday! This is part of a series, and a direct continuation from last week’s post (check it out here, or the rest of my posts here). To meet some new authors, read some great writing, or join in the 8-sentence fun, stop by at Weekend Writing Warriors!

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___________

The world is foggy–I blink, and it sharpens into clarity.

I see the humans; They are staring at me, horrified–The younger one, with the swords, looks as if he is going to run towards me. I wonder if he means to kill me; I reach for my knife, but find the sheath empty–I see my dagger scattered on the grass, out of reach.

Then, I realize Mother isn’t there–I can’t hear her anymore, either; Where did she go?

There is a terrible, ear-splitting crack behind me–Like bone being split in two with the force of lightning.

Then, silence–Tangible, all-consuming silence.

No, no, no.

I turn–The Shadow that took me holds Mother aloft, her body limp, smoke rising from her chest and melting into the Shadow itself. It swells in size as it absorbs, then lowers her body to the ground–

A husk.

_________

Again, some creative punctuation here to fit it within the 8, but I hope it still reads well, and that you enjoyed 🙂 Three more snippets from this scene, so I hope you stick around. Thanks for stopping by, and happy 8sunday!

 

Blog Post and Novel Excerpt © Victoria Davenport and the Coffee.Write.Repeat. blog

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39 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors #11

  1. Oh no! The way Kera says, “the humans” makes me wonder if she is one herself… What happened? Did her mother sacrifice herself for Kera? What’s going to happen to them now… Also, who are these “humans” and is that guy really going to kill her?!?!?

    Happy 8Sunday–as usual, a great excerpt! Can’t wait for next week’s! 😀

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  2. This is a lovely follow-up to last week 😀 I really love the description of the silence as being tangible. I think it adds so much to the atmosphere when the silence is actually described. You did a good job of describing her disassociation from reality. It’s easy to feel for the protagonist here. Oh no, the Shadow has her mom D: You’re an evil author, torturing your characters XD But sometimes it must be done for the sake of the story. Looking forward to more!

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  3. Very descriptive and very Oh-No. How sad and gruesome to hear the (bone) crack and for her to see her mother like that. Good snippet.

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  4. Your scene definitely read well! I loved it! You’re really good with writing setting because I could see everything vividly. It felt like I was with your character instead of just reading about the character. Oh man, did I fear for his safety! And, the poor mom…I cringed about the sound of bone cracking (in a good way). I can’t wait to read your next installment.
    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

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  5. Intense set up. With first person, you can put the reader closer to the action by removing words like “I see” “I realize” or “I wonder.” If you are reporting it, it’s understood that you see it. I’d also like to see a stronger reaction to Mom not being there. Bone being split in two is a wonderfully vivid description.
    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/

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