Welcome to another 8sunday! This is part of a series, and a direct continuation from last week’s post (check it out here, or the rest of my posts here). To meet some new authors, read some great writing, or join in the 8-sentence fun, stop by at Weekend Writing Warriors!
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The world is foggy–I blink, and it sharpens into clarity.
I see the humans; They are staring at me, horrified–The younger one, with the swords, looks as if he is going to run towards me. I wonder if he means to kill me; I reach for my knife, but find the sheath empty–I see my dagger scattered on the grass, out of reach.
Then, I realize Mother isn’t there–I can’t hear her anymore, either; Where did she go?
There is a terrible, ear-splitting crack behind me–Like bone being split in two with the force of lightning.
Then, silence–Tangible, all-consuming silence.
No, no, no.
I turn–The Shadow that took me holds Mother aloft, her body limp, smoke rising from her chest and melting into the Shadow itself. It swells in size as it absorbs, then lowers her body to the ground–
A husk.
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Again, some creative punctuation here to fit it within the 8, but I hope it still reads well, and that you enjoyed 🙂 Three more snippets from this scene, so I hope you stick around. Thanks for stopping by, and happy 8sunday!
Blog Post and Novel Excerpt © Victoria Davenport and the Coffee.Write.Repeat. blog
Coffee. Write. Repeat. 
Oh no! The way Kera says, “the humans” makes me wonder if she is one herself… What happened? Did her mother sacrifice herself for Kera? What’s going to happen to them now… Also, who are these “humans” and is that guy really going to kill her?!?!?
Happy 8Sunday–as usual, a great excerpt! Can’t wait for next week’s! 😀
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She is, but they are two separate groups, ferals and civilians. She has never interacted with other humans before, outside her family, since her mom has raised her to believe they are incredibly dangerous. And I guess you’ll just have to see 😉 Thank you so much!
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Ah, I see… I’m guessing Kera is a feral? Or maybe not because her mum thinks the other group is vicious… Oh, I hate this waiting thing! 😛
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Yes she is. Haha, sorry! 😉
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Wow! The tension is nearly tangible! This is (once again) an incredible snippet! Well done, Victoria. 🙂
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Thank you so much! 🙂
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As Sabrina says, waiting to figure it out is hard. I’d love to change this to 16sunday, or even 32sunday… good stuff! How far along is the writing at the moment? 🙂
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Haha, I wish. Thank you though! It’s going well, I’m almost to 37k. My goal is 60k but it will likely end up being much more than that, possibly even a second book. I will have to see 🙂
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Nicely done! I could feel her emotional turmoil and visualize the scene actually happening.
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Thank you! Glad I was able to do that. 🙂
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Wow. Your command of detail is breathtaking, Victoria. This was heavy stuff — well done!
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Thank you so much 🙂
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I love Kera’s narrative. This snippet was a roller-coaster in terms of emotions, so good job with that because it gets the reader dancing with you.
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Thank you!
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Oh how powerful these eight little lines. I love that it’s only eight each week…it keeps me slavering to get more! Well done Victoria.
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Thank you so much! Glad you stopped by 🙂
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Whoa! Just when I thought the immediate danger had passed you hit us with that. Very well done. Not nice, but well done.
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Haha, sorry! But thank you 🙂
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I take it her mother somehow sacrificed herself to save her daughter? Smoke rising from the chest is never a good sign 🙂 Great imagery.
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No, it is definitely not 🙂 Thank you!
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oo! Nice! I totally want to read this book. I went back to read the other snippets for this. It just gets better and better! 😀
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Well thank you so much! So glad you are enjoying them 🙂
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This is a lovely follow-up to last week 😀 I really love the description of the silence as being tangible. I think it adds so much to the atmosphere when the silence is actually described. You did a good job of describing her disassociation from reality. It’s easy to feel for the protagonist here. Oh no, the Shadow has her mom D: You’re an evil author, torturing your characters XD But sometimes it must be done for the sake of the story. Looking forward to more!
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Thank you! Yes, it does. Haha, I’m sorry! But like you said, it must be done. Thanks again 🙂
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Wow.Such intensity in this scene. You’ve set the atmosphere marvelously.
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Thank you so much! 🙂
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Are the humans after her or the Shadow?
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Right now, she thinks the humans are after her. But you will see 🙂
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Great snippet, intriguing.
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Intense! I loved the use of sound, both its absence and the actual sounds your described…can’t wait to read more of this story. Terrific snippet!
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Thank you so much 🙂
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Very descriptive and very Oh-No. How sad and gruesome to hear the (bone) crack and for her to see her mother like that. Good snippet.
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Thank you very much!
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Well, that’s not good.
Some lovely imagery in this snippet, I especially like the dagger ‘scattered on the grass,’ out of reach and beyond saving her.
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No, it’s not! But thank you 🙂
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Your scene definitely read well! I loved it! You’re really good with writing setting because I could see everything vividly. It felt like I was with your character instead of just reading about the character. Oh man, did I fear for his safety! And, the poor mom…I cringed about the sound of bone cracking (in a good way). I can’t wait to read your next installment.
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
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Thank you so much! 🙂
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Intense set up. With first person, you can put the reader closer to the action by removing words like “I see” “I realize” or “I wonder.” If you are reporting it, it’s understood that you see it. I’d also like to see a stronger reaction to Mom not being there. Bone being split in two is a wonderfully vivid description.
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/
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Thank you! Yes, that is a good point. Thanks for reading 🙂
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