Weekend Writing Warriors #12

Thanks for sharing another 8sunday with me! This is part of a series, and a direct continuation from last week’s post (check it out here, or the rest of my posts here). To meet some new authors, read some great writing, or join in the 8-sentence fun, stop by at Weekend Writing Warriors!

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__________

The Shadow moves towards me, but I am not there–I am no one, a fragment, Thud-thud, thud.

Images flash before me, and the world falls away.

My hand grabs the torch from my pack, and lights it–my feet carry me closer to the Shadow, my teeth bared in a snarl. Instinct, only instinct drives me–I am gone, rattling empty like shards of glass in a hollowed out shell.

Still the Shadow stands there–unmoving.

But it isn’t entranced by the light, as they usually are; It isn’t terrified, running away–it’s standing there, staring at me.

I can hear voices and shouts, but they pass on the edges of my awareness–all that exists is me and the Shadow, cocooned in silence.

The Shadow tilts its head, as if studying me.

_________

This one was a bit easier to fit, so hopefully it reads better. Thanks so much for the continued feedback and support, from both WeWriWa vets and newbies 🙂 Looking forward to your posts this week, as always, and happy 8sunday!

 

Blog Post and Novel Excerpt © Victoria Davenport and the Coffee.Write.Repeat. blog

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45 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors #12

  1. I’m really enjoying these snippets told from the POV of someone that has some disassociation of the soul 😀 I guess that’s what you would call it? I think the interesting part is that it’s anger motivating her because the Shadow has her mother. It’s one of the most primal instincts, and I think it would be one of the last to go. The shadows remind me a bit of the Titans in the anime, “Attack of Titans.” Not all the Titans are equal either, and I think it makes for a more complex story.

    I think this was my favorite line, “I can hear voices and shouts, but they pass on the edges of my awareness–all that exists is me and the Shadow, cocooned in silence.” I’m not sure why I like it so much, but I do XD I think I’ve mentioned before I love descriptive silences because it says so much about the scene. Looking forward to next week :3

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  2. Ooh, definitely different than anything I’ve read before. I like the POV and the feel of the character – connected to their environment, yet not. Aware, but not aware. The Shadow’s behaviour is intriguing as well. Looking forward to more WeWriWa posts about these two 🙂

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  3. I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: I love your prose. The flow of language in your snippets is so beautifully dark and carries a cadence that just cries to be read out loud. Beautiful work.

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  4. So curious! It gets more and more interesting!

    There’s some unnecessary punctuation here and there such as the comma in the 2nd sentence. Dash and some commas in the 1st sentence. Same in 3rd. Punctuation can be overused, especially commas. I’m constantly overdoing it so I’m always going back to wipe it clean.

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  5. See now the disembodied body parts bothered me a bit, so I’m a minority of one here (there’s always one in a crowd, right LOL?)….but the rest of the snippet was breathtakingly smooth and compelling. I’m very wrapped up in the story as you’re telling it and can’t wait for more!

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  6. Pingback: Weekend Writing Warriors #13 | Coffee. Write. Repeat.

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