Hey there, Warriors! This is part of a series, and a direct continuation from last week’s post (check it out here, or the rest of my posts here). To meet some new authors, read some great writing, or join in the 8-sentence fun, stop by at Weekend Writing Warriors!
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It whirls and shifts, and reshapes itself into the figure of a man–Something about this tugs at my heart, at my familiarity, but I am not there to process it; I am miles away, curled up beside my mother.
Thud-thud, thud, that is all I know, all that is certain–but this, too, has changed; nothing is certain.
The Shadow-man moves closer, as if reaching out–then a light bullet finds its target, and shatters the Shadow into dust.
I blink, and somehow I am rooted back in my body, in reality.
I count three bodies: three hunters, and Mother’s–Two hunters remain alive, though the girl is marred by nightfire.
The hunter stands in the midst of corpses, watching me. He lowers his swords to the earth, laden in frost and blood. His eyes are a startling green, and I find myself captivated by him the same way a rabbit might be captivated by a bewolf, just before it is eaten.
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Only one more snippet from this scene! Hope you’ve enjoyed so far, I certainly enjoyed writing these 🙂 Thanks for stopping by, and happy 8sunday!
Blog Post and Novel Excerpt © Victoria Davenport and the Coffee.Write.Repeat. blog
Coffee. Write. Repeat. 
This was lovely! I always enjoy your snippets 😀 I am a sucker for things that are bit different and/or abstract. I used the word rooted in my suicide story when talking about this malevolent voice that is a manifestation of his guilt. It’s not really a word you get to use very often XD I think it really fits here. My favorite part of the snippet might be the very last paragraph. I read it over a few times because I liked it so much :3 The only thing that bothered me a bit was the second paragraph. It feels too repetitive, but maybe that’s what you were going for? I’m hoping her mother is safe!
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Thank you so much! Yes, it is a bit repetitive, but she is kind of out of her body at this point, and I wanted to emphasize that. But I could consider rewording. 🙂 Thank you so much! You’ll have to wait and see 😉
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This is a scary and powerful set up. You might want to add some connecting words to fuse the paragraph together. The idea of the bullet and shadow is cool. Well done.
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/
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Thank you so much! And thank you for the input 🙂
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I like it. I love the last para. I think it feels eerily disconnected, rather abstract. like a dream–which works since this is a sort of out of body experience. Good 8, Victoria!
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Beautiful, darkly poetic prose, as ever. I love reading your snippets!
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Thank you so much! Thanks for reading 🙂
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Wow. My heart is pounding. I need that last scene. Cant’ wait until next week.
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I’m glad it had that effect! Thank you 🙂
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Love everything about it, as usual. Nightfire! Excellent. I did get a bit thrown off counting corpses- she says there are three, but then she says “three hunters and mother’s” which equals four. So I was distracted by that.
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Thank you so much! Yes, that is where the title comes from 🙂 Haha! Thank you for pointing that out. I had originally had four hunters total, but added another one who is killed while she watches, so I guess I didn’t get all of the numbers consistent. Thank you 🙂
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“laden in frost and blood” – For some reason I’ve always enjoyed that kind of imagery. Something about the combination of ice and blood. Maybe it’s the contrast in color that I like so much. Dunno. Good image though! 🙂
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Thank you! I love that line too 🙂
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Just fascinated by this story, also like the rabbit! Can’t wait to see what comes next, excellent excerpt, loved the flow of the words…
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Thank you very much 🙂 It’s a great compliment!
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Very powerful prose. I felt what was going on in those moments. Nicely done!
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Thank you so much 🙂
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I was put off by the corpse counting, too.
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Yes, that was a mistake 🙂 Thanks for reading!
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Wow. This is intense. The images are startling and gripping without feeling needlessly grotesque. But, I think you’re missing a corpse in the total count. I can’t wait to read more.
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Thank you so much! Yes, I missed that until the comments pointed it out. Thanks for reading 🙂
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Beautiful writing. Very intense. 😀
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Thank you so much!
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I don’t have to tell you how much I love this, but I’m going to anyway. 😉 Your writing always astounds me. I love the way the words flow on the page. And that last paragraph – gah! So much goodness. I can’t wait to read more. 😀
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Haha! Thank you so much girl 🙂
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Lovely, just lovely. I am captivated by your prose. And, isn’t it wonderful, that the little things that need fixing, get caught by all the fine folks out here. Only makes us stronger authors : )
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Haha yes! Thank you so much 🙂
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Oh man, this was really good! I like how he wakes up to find people around him dead but his life was spared. Makes me wonder if the shadow is messing with him like psychological warfare, or if this is the end of his life and the shadow wanted to wait until he woke up. I can’t wait to read your next snippet!
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
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Thank you for reading!
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Oh! Can you please just publish the thing so we all don’t have to die in infuriating agony whilst waiting for the next part? *sobs* 😛
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Haha, I wish I could help! I want it published just as bad. Thank you though 🙂
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Confusing, but in a good way. It’s really hard to make sense of an eight sentence snippet, especially when there’s so much action within it. The last bit about the rabbit and wolf was very powerful, definitely my favourite. Looking forward to more next week!
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Thank you so much!
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