Weekend Writing Warriors #18

Hey all! This week is bittersweet, as it is my last WeWriWa post for a little while. (Check out all my posts here) To meet some new authors, read some great writing, or join in the 8-sentence fun, stop by at Weekend Writing Warriors!

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In this scene, Kera is with Torren, Mina, and her now-mindless mother, searching for her sister Hana. They go back to the cave where Kera left her, but she is not there. Kera starts to panic, and searches frantically for some sign her sister might have left for her. It is the first time she realizes Hana is missing.

_________

I turn back to the fire, now dead, and sift through the ashes. Still-hot embers scorch the skin of my palms, but I’m too desperate to care. There has to be something.

“Told you ferals are mad,” I hear Mina murmur from behind me.

A hot coal strikes my hand and I cry out.

My mind shudders, and is struck with images–but this time, they are not foreign, but familiar.

Hana’s round face and smart black eyes, glowing amber in the light of the fire–Thunder beside her, standing guard. An orb of light glows between them, shifting with color and energy.

The images let go like a cold grasp releasing me and I crash back into my body, shuddering and broken.

_________

This is the very first time she has a vision, and it starts a whole other chain of events. It is actually much more detailed, but I couldn’t fit it into the snippet, so you just get a preview 🙂 But I thought I would share one of her visions since they become a central part to the story. I hope to share more sometime, (when I’m settled in to my new apartment, a new school, and a full load this semester) but for now, this is my last WeWriWa post. Thanks so much for all of the great feedback, interaction, and support. Best of luck with all your writing 🙂

 

Blog Post and Novel Excerpt © Victoria Davenport and the Coffee.Write.Repeat. blog

 

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12 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors #18

  1. Sad to hear this is the last one for a while :/ School takes up a lot of time. During undergrad I didn’t even allow myself to watch TV XD It’s understandable!

    I’m definitely curious about Hana now. Thunder is standing beside her, and I’m not sure if that is a person or the actual weather phenomenon. And the glowing orb. I’m pretty clueless here XD I hope Kera has more insight than I do. I hope her mom gets better :/ I guess you cant tell me that XD I’m wondering if you can salvage a soul after it’s been destroyed by those monsters (I forget the name).

    About this line, “The images let go like a cold grasp releasing me and I crash back into my body, shuddering and broken.” It’s a great line because it gives us Kera’s perspective. Many people that can hear the dead, see ghosts, have visions, etc. describe it as a burden. I have a friend that can interact with spirits, and it’s often scary for her, so this felt realistic. They are also looked down upon for their gift, which you depicted here as well. My friend told me I was the only one besides her family that believed her. I wouldn’t say I believe all people that say they have a sixth sense, but I believe the ability exists.

    This is a minor detail you’ll probably fix on editing, but I think that line I referenced above can be phrased better. Something like, “The images release me from their cold grasp, and I crash back into my body, shuddering and broken.” I put a comma before “I crash back,” because it’s an independent clause and thus needs a comma when a conjunction is used. You don’t need “let go” and “releasing,” because they are kind of saying the same thing IMO.

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  2. Well we sure are going to miss you. I hope life gets settled quickly for you, and you can find some time to sneak back and join us! Loved this snippet as per usual, you created an intense moment in very few words!

    Like

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